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My Ana Diary

You know you're anorexic when...


You know you're anorexic when...

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...you could be sponsored as pro for cutting huge lettuce leaves into an edible size

you stop having your period altogether

you thrive on Metamucil

you spend more time planning out your eating pattern than you do on your term paper

you don't own a single food item that does not come in a fat-free, reduced cal butter

you haven't "spread" margarine in months, since cal-free only comes in a spray

you've ripped off your clothes compulsively for the sole purpose of getting the "accurate" weight 3 times a day (as a minimum here *grin*)

you have to schedule times with different friends so your excuse of "I already ate" will fly

caffeine...need I say more?

you're on more "supplements" than Mark McGuire

you plan strategic "eating" times so that people will think you are constantly stuffing your face

you fill a carriage of food at the grocery store and put it all back, leaving wtih nothing.

you spend 20 bucks on a meal and don't put any of it in your mouth.

during trivial pursuit, you know all the food questions, like which has more calories, spinich or tomato juice? (spinich is right)

you know the calorie content of almost ANYTHING

you can write your own calorie counter book/website.

you can never find a watch that stays on right.

you automatically count calories as soon as you take a bite of something. ("One cracker is 12 calories, and this bite was about half. 6 calories so far...")

going to a doctor means drinking a gallon of water and stashing all your change in your pockets and socks.. just in case he/she wants to weigh you.

you can't put your arms by your side because you have so much padding on bracelets that fit most people fall of your hand

Everyone in the room is sweating in a tank top, and your freezing in a sweater

You CANNOT drink a soda that's not diet under any circumstances

You're suspicious of the amount of calories the package says (120 that can't be right, better add 10 more)

You can remember the amount of calories you ate 5 days ago, but you can't remember where you put your car keys.

You know the calorie content of more foods than a nutritionist

You may have done some tendon/ligament damage to your knee (and also have a sprained/hairline fractured foot) but that doesn't stop you from doing your twice daily gym visits.

when you wake up in the middle of the night (or a few times) and have to measure yourself several times to make sure you haven't gained anything before you can go back to sleep.

when you have to do these measurements several times a day as well.

you spend more than an hour in a grocery store on more than one occasion your mom refuses to go grocery shopping with you

you think 30 calories is alot for a drink

you're mortally afraid of poptarts and whole milk

when you think who needs friends with all these voices in your head

when you wake up in a cold sweat because you dreamt that you ate something horrific and cant rest until you weigh yourself

when you dont mind doing chores, because hey its all calory burning

when you cower in the corner petrified because someone offered you the spoon and they cant understand because no-one has turned them down before, but no matter how hard you try - it will never touch your lips when you would rather have bamboo sticks shoved under your finger nails then feel fat... every single day of the week.

When you think that 100 calories for one meal is to much

When you leave your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle because it has to much food in it (a box of saltines, diet sobe, and a bag of wow potato chips)

you can't sleep at night because your worried that rice cake is gonna make you fatter if you sleep

when you buy a new mattress with an inch of padding, put a foam pad under your sheets, and still feel pain from the bones sticking out

when you walk a mile each way too and from school, then go for a run, then bike another 3 miles, in the middle of december in the upper midwest (read: cold as hell)

You drink enough water to flood a small country when you wake up scared as hell because you just had a very realistic dream about eating.

your cabinet doors are starting to get a better work out then you are. any food yet. nope nothing I can eat. any food yet. how about now....

when you have perfected making the smallest amount of food look huge.

who needs a museum? you'd get the vending machine downstairs

your roommate gets pissed because you keep opening (and closing) the fridge door

the pants you worn in seventh grade fall off

you convince everyone around you that you're either vegan, vegetarian, lactose-intolerant, or diabetic.

Bonus point if you convince them you are all of the above

when you think a shower is just so much more appealing then a bath.

you intentionally buy clothes that are a size smaller then what you currently are.

when you intentionally park the car in the furtherest parking bay just so you can walk further.

when you put your dumbbells/extra books in your ruksack so its heavier because you figure the more cals burned the better.

when you have to talk to yourself to find out if you can eat, only to end up with an upgrade to only having a glass of water.

Your diet pills are your daily supply of vitamins.

You sleep with a pillow between your knees, under your butt, etc, etc, etc...

You have more cookbooks than your local bookstore.

You relish the feeling of hunger because you know that you are doing something right.

you tell yourself that those "hunger pangs" are just a stomach ache from eating too much and hour/day/week ago.

you go to the doctor for a weigh-in and blood work (being terrified of needles mind you!) and all you can think about is you weigh too much but not enough for doctors to like and you didn't have time to water-load and...(ect.)

you get depressed if you can't go to your online ED-forums.

when you weigh yourself whenever you can hoping to see even a quarter of a pound dropped.

when you've noticed that you've gained a pound and start exercising mad-style as soon as you get off the scale.

when you have to shop for your clothes in the children's section.

when you're wearing thermal underwear in the summer.

when you check vitamin bottles for calories.

when your thighs don't touch together when you're walking.

when you see pictures of starving people and become jealous.

when you find out toothpaste has 15 calories in it and dont brush your teeth for 4 days straight than remember you dont actually swallow the toothpaste

when you worry if your laxatives have calories

when you worry for days about the party youre gonna have in school and how you can avoid looking stupid by not eating, but cant eat because than youll get fat

when you over lap your fingers around your wrist numerous times a day

smoke more because it burns calories

you worry about kissing your boyfriend because you might consume some calories from anything he's had that day

if your butt hurts from sitting on the floor and your bones sticking out-- you think it's because all your FAT has put to much weight on it

you worry about putting on flavored lip gloss because nothing that good and with flavor can have 0 calories

uncontrollable shaking from not eating is a good sign that you've been "good"

your mood depends on if you've eaten that day or not

you walk into a room and feel like everyone is looking at you and noticing that pound you gained

you wake up in the middle of the night with a sudden urge to do your crunches because that dream you just had about food was way too real

when you search for a parking space as far AWAY from the entrance as possible to burn more calories

when youre convinced that just reading about the foods in a calorie book will make you fatter

when you take your pulse every 10 minutes, just to check when you think the calories from other peoples food will somehow become airborne, and youll inhale them, so you dont go out with anyone if theyre eating

when you count the calories in anything anyone else is eating you watch food comercials obsessively, like some people watch horror movies

when you seriously contemplate (even if only for a second) taking a razor and carving the fat off your body in a twisted version of at-home liposuction

when you measure whether you're too heavy or not by if the stairs creak as you go up them (even though the house is over 100 years old) and determine you're a lardass everytime.

when you fix food for someone and you wash you hands immediatly because your afraid that you'll absorb calories thru your skin by just touching it.

when there is no safe food if you had no money whatsoever, you'd be willing to beg, borrow & steal to get your diet pills

You make sure that work scehdules you during your family's mealtime so you won't have to make excuses. I

f you do eat with them...you must eat nothing else the entire day in preperation for a 'normal' meal.

You practice weighing yourself at different angles just to make sure that you can't get a smaller weight, believe the heaviest. Y

ou spend 20 minutes at the grocery store debating rather or not the 15 calories extra for fat free cocoa with marshmallows is worth it.

You avoid and eventually lose your friends because they might want to go out for pizza or something equally evil.

The meals you do eat are consumed in front of friends and/or family so they'll think you're eating...spend an excessive amount of time preparing a 60 calorie meal to make it seem like more.

When you finally do eat something with a substantial amount of calories...it comes right back up or goes right through you.

Your worth is based on the number the scale flashes at you.

You're making Christmas cookies for your family, and you're afraid that you'll absorb some calories through inhaling the dough, so you go outside and run 2 miles in freezing cold weather.

Someone asks you if you want something to eat and you say, "No thanks, I ate yesterday," and don't realize that you said anything strange.

when you have to stop midway through typing a post to rub some warmth back into you rfingers.

when you sit/walk around the house rubbing the end of your numb nose

You find yourself doing constant math in your head in order to break down caloric content of things like one sugar free hard candy (approx. 10) or one individual Cheese Nip (approx. 4)

you know the calorie content of semen (15 cals per "serving" and it's pure protien)

you look at urself in the mirror every 5 minutes to see if you "miraculously" have gained any weight and to count or admire your ribs......or any new found protruding bones

You practice weighing yourself at different angles just to make sure that you can't get a smaller weight, believe the heaviest

you engage in a posting convo about how many calories are in semen

when presented with the option of finally getting your social security card after months of putting it off or going to the store to buy fat free pringles (which are on sale), you get the pringles just so you can have something fat free to eat the whole day
  • Thoroughly enjoy reading this, can relate 2 some and some made me laugh 2 myself out of truthfulness.

    Had started to eat again, didn't gain, thankfully, but have 2 go back 2 starving again, if anything worried about gaining and not enuff food here, anyway.

    Nothing and I mean NOTHING works like The Poverty Diet..
    • PLease STop

      i live in australia and my big sister, who turned 16 in april, died of heart failure a month ago. She was so malnourished that her heart just stopped beating. Anorexia is not something that should be laughed at or made fun of. this is so serious and i find it completely insane that people can pride themselves on starving and sending their bodies into a state of malnutrition. please dont do this to yourself. your killing yourself slowly, and this will in turn kill the people who love you. this might just seem like a good way to lose weight and look good but you all have no freaking idea how much harm you are doing to yoursleves, and also how much harm you are doing to others by making light of this illness.
      please just consider your personal wellbeing, and also that of others like me, who have come accross this site unintentionally, only looking for an answer to how someone can think that starving themselves would be a good idea, and why they would let themselves die in the quest to be thin.. i dont want to see any more lives lost unneccesarily. please just ask for help.
  • (Anonymous)
    Its true, i think i can honestly say that i do the majority of these things.
    Its so addictive. i hate myself when i even eat the tinyest amount. diet coke has 2cals, i dont take milk with coffee/eat, milk has 1g of sat per 100g. no thanks. so i eat a handful of cerial on its own rarely for tea, i've become vegetarian just so i dont have to eat horrible fat ridden meat, i feel pleased when i cook things for my family and feel better that they've eaten it and i havnt.
    eating infront of people is a nightmere, no-one understand, you try talking to people but they dont get it. all i think about it food constantly, i have lack of sleep from it persistantly.
    when i eat, i feel like i have lost control, i like feeling hungry, i like knowing i have no calories inside me, its happiness.
    and then dissapointment when you find out you actually havnt lost as much as you'd like to :(
    i know i need help, but i dont want it, because if i get it, i know they'll make me eat.
  • ...

    I just realized that i'm only 16 and i do these things. most of them are true, i don't want to be like this... but the peer pressure is getting to me. I'm eating 3 bowls of cereal with milk all day and it's not enough. I play sports that demand more than 1200 calories a day ( soccer, gymnastics).
  • (Anonymous)
    Yeah, so I was reading this. I can actually relate to some of the stuff. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and freezing and my roommate is wearing a t-shirt and comfortable and I'm the one from NY and she's the one from VA. I also take a bunch of supplements so I don't have to eat but am getting vitamins. I didn't know about spinach having more calories than tomato juice. Going out and buying a bunch of that. That should suffice as my lunch. lol. Oh, and a cracker has 13 calories....not 12. Just figured I'd let you know. :)
  • heyyyy,

    right i really want to loose weight. these have helped ''' my friend is helping me go on runs andd everything now- so maybe that will help #:^) ive not eaten today, and im starting to feel the hunger but like it says
    im pretending its becuas ei have eaten to much.
    thanks alot- .x
    • Re: heyyyy,

      This isn't stuff you should do, this is stuff you SHOULDN'T do. It's basically a test to see if you're anorexic or not. Please, keep eating. Maybe just more veggies.
  • I stopped reading at "Someone asks you if you want something to eat and you say, 'No thanks, I ate yesterday,' and don't realize that you said anything strange."

    These are so accurate, it's scary.
  • (Anonymous)
    this wouldn't be so bad if even 1 or 2 of the jokes were funny,

    but they're all pish.

    get a grip of yourself.
  • (Anonymous)
    I started laughing because it was so true... half way through I started crying... for the same reason.
  • (Anonymous)
    You know you're anorexic when you dirty plates with food just so that there is proof you ate even though all you did was put the food back.
  • (Anonymous)
    when someone you know asks you a question about dieting, calories, etc and you delight in giving them the wrong answer. secretly hoping they will get fatter than you.
  • (Anonymous)
    i hate the people who say they love ana.
    i hate ana so much.

    you say ana's your friend? well shes not. shes just killing you slowly.
    she tricks you, she manipulates you and isolates you from people who actually love you and care for you.
    she doesnt care about you. she hates you.
    think of all the nasty things shes constantly saying, 'why not just eat, your only going to get fatter anyway,' 'your such a fat bitch,' 'if you ate that your thighs would explode, because your so fat.' and so on.
    she distorts your vision, so when you look in the mirror you see someone thats fat, not your real boney body.
    she makes you dizzy, she makes you faint, she makes you feel sick and hungry.
    she punishes you if you eat the tinniest amount of food.
    she pushes you to do exercise 3hours or more everyday, (which doing that in your state you could suffer from a heart attack).
    she burns foul thinking of yourself into your brain.
    she makes you believe that shes the only thing your living for, that 'if you dont have ana, your life is worthless.'
    she makes you constantly on the edge, and paranoid. 'if you eat that piece of celery, your going to get fatter.' which in fact if you ate that celery people would be able to see it sticking out from your tiny stomach.

    see i dont know how someone can love something like ana.
    i do understand the addiction though. i understand how hard it is to break away from this. i myself am suffering from this ed, along with bulimia. it hurts me so much to see girls and boys wanting this though, having putting up with this for around 5 years now, i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.

    to the people who called us 'dumb bitches' go fuck yourself. its a real disease. but to the girls and boys who set yourself out to want to be anorexic, go fuck yourselfs too. to the real anorexics, where the ed started off as wanting to lose a few kgs or pounds before summer to fit into that bikini, or getting sick from some other disease then loosing the weight, and when they got out of hospital they didnt want to put the weight back on, my heart goes out to you. anorexia is not something someone wants or needs. it happens due to other underlying causes. the first step towards this ed is not usually because someone wants to be a bag of bones.

    so please, if you actually want to be anorexic, go for it. no ones stopping you. look up tips and tricks. starve yourself. mutilate your body and fuck up your brain. but seriously. youll end up in an endless cycle of not eating, eating a little bit, purging, hours of exercise, crying, ect ect. its not something you want to go through.

    • Listen

      Thank you for taking the time for writing this long list! I was anorexic for 2 years and started re eating and piled on weight and I am now ashamed to say I am disguistingly fat!!!! However, I am reverting back to anorexia, and I realise how much I miss it!

      Everything you have included in the list is true!!!!Soooo true!!! You don't realise you actually do these things daily, they just become part of you and your daily routine, you feel that something bad will happen if you don't perform your routine- mainly being you will put on 10 stone!!! Change is soooo bad!!! Say you go on holiday-no scales to weigh, meals prepared-calories? and people wonder why you are stressed!!!

      Love this list xox
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  • (Anonymous)
    DON'T GO ANOREXIC!!!! trust me i did it! and you dont want to get better and if people say you are skini and you dont need to loose weight ...ect you dont believe them you just get more upset :(. however when i ddi it my mum found out andtook me to the doctor i didnt want to go but i did and... it was the best thing i ever did, the doctor was verry kind and helped me, and now i am ahealthy wieght and have never been happyer ! ;D so remember this.... GETTING HELP WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID!!!!! ;]]
  • (Anonymous)
    I am anorexic, but I constantly doubt it. So, I read this, and it all describes me. I think that I've realized a bit what I'm doing to myself, I hate it. I'm constantly hungry, but just ignore it. I'm very cranky, and I want to stop it. I used to be an athlete. Healthy and energetic, also friendly. Now, I'm just a cranky old stick. I want to change. I am 12 years old, and 72 pounds. I need to change, now. Thanks for posting this, I've realized a bit. I hope it works...
    • (Anonymous)
      I'm anorexic, but I don't want to be underweight. I got sick of fighting to urge to stop eating, and I'm sick of being fat (I know I'm fat, the scale does not lie even if the mirror does) but I've decided to start eating again once I drop a couple of pounds. On my birthday, I'm going to take the leap and put that birthday cake in my mouth! Plenty of people recover from anorexia, you can too. You go, girl! Enjoy that pizza! Eat that cookie! Whoo!
  • (Anonymous)
    I feel realy sorry for people who are like that and and I want you to know that you don't have to be skinny to be pretty because it won't matter how skinny you are if you'll be speding all of your time In the hospetal or to weak to go anywhere
    • Re: 

      Anorexia completly baffles my mind , all my life my friends have been thinner than me, but i have never once woken up and thought ' i know im only going to eat diet pills from now on or count every single calorie i eat. To me personally this is not living, At the begining of this year i started to excercise and eat loads better , ive lost 8lbs , its not alot but i will eventually get to my target weight of 10st ( i bet the sound of that weight terrifies some of you ladies ). I dont want to die thin , I want to live happy!
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  • (Anonymous)
    I have one:
    You're constantly checking water bottles for calories out of habit.
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